Mandaris Moore

I'm about to do a review of what needs to be done this week and I'm hesitant to start. Although I've been getting better at making sure that things get done, the sheer amount of "stuff" can feel overwhelming if I look at all of it at once.

I think that is why I find myself drawn to OmniFocus and GTD in general. It give me a tool that allows me to trust that what I'm not doing is correct.

But back to the matter at hand, what should my next project be?

Moving the site generation to another server

Currently, I have a iMac at home that generates the site and then scp the files to a server. The only times that I have had an issue is when I had to shut down dropbox running on the machine because it was being a resource hog.

My plan is to move all of my posts to a repository and then having a cron job running on the server to do an update every hour to update the repository and then the website.

I found a desk near the garbage bin and I wanted even though I didn't have room for it. I guess it's because I still love the idea of sitting down and getting to work on something.

I feel that it’s party because of the restlessness I get every once in a while where I want to make or learn something. I think I’m really making progress in keeping my eye on the ball and making sure to reflect on my goals.

Meanwhile...

Work has been really busy and weird at the same time. A lot of unanswered questions and unease just below the surface. I hope there isn’t any extra drama...

Today, I thought about how I start most of my post with the word "today". If you look through all of my writings on this blog you probably won't find it because it's usually the first thing that I delete when I'm editing.

Maybe it's because some part of me is always thinking about how I want to start or continue something and that Today will be the day that everything will work out and I can start down easy street.

It hasn't happened but I feel that life is filled with stops and starts and as long as you focus on making some progress everyday - even if it's a little - that feeling of Today goes away.

I wrote the above in the OmniGroup slack. I think I’ll set a reminder so that I don’t lose track of who I am and where I’m going.

I'm going to spend a couple minutes just writing here. I want to do something more with my time on the computer.

First and foremost, I have to have more of an understanding of where my time is actually going when I'm on the computer. For that, I'm going to use the wonderful timing.app to track where my time has been spent.

I was a little shocked to see that -even though I felt pretty productive this week- I¹ spent so much time searching the internet or other unproductive time.

I just spent 5 minutes on what are some of the things that are currently on my mind. Honestly, I think I spent more time on the clip art associated with the mindmap than actually thinking about what it means.

I've got a lot of things happening right now and I hoped that putting it in a pretty picture can help me sort it out. So...

What’s Up

Ultimately, I exported the mind map as an outline and decided to expand it here.

Work

The way that I currently make a living. I find that I'm grinding for someone else and not me or my family.

Doing the work

I don't feel that I have a huge problem doing what is asked of me. I do have a problem with the amount of things that need to be done and the amount of support that I'm getting from everyone else. I feel as though a lot of people don't understand that things need to be balanced.

Dealing with the People

I do not feel that the people that I'm working with are on the same page. Sometimes, I feel like I'm all by myself on a lot of fronts. I have friends at work, but I also have people who are more into their own ego than getting to the next level in life.

Definitely room for more teamwork.

Making ends meet

Money is absolutely horrible. They say it cannot make you happy, but I find that not having it certainly can make you unhappy.

Cutting expenses

No question. Have to cut back on soo many things. I've started taking my lunch and I've long since stopped buying comic books. The problem is that me and my family like to go out to eat quite a bit.

Making More

I've been playing around with the idea of getting a second job. It would have to be a night position, but I don't know if I'd be able to pull it off with the lack of sleep that would eventually happen.

Being fulfilled

This one is just about how I feel about myself. I feel as if I lost my direction in life and I'm really questioning if I had one at all.

What is my current passion?

I like messing around with MacOS X. I love the feel of typing and the pleasure of getting things like my website up and running.

But I want to make something else too.

Not just this blog post but something that can help others, like a tutorial or book.

Where do I see myself in the future?

Unfortunately, the future looks grim. I've got upcoming expenses and less time and resources to deal with them.

Having a family

The most important aspect. I have a responsibility not just to myself but to other people.

Being able to communicate

I want to make sure that my family is able to talk to me if they need to and that I work on my active listening.

Making sure that everyone is cared for

I love my family and it is important to me that they are happy.

In conclusion

What a small little rant. I feel much better getting that out of my system and will have to review this moving forward.

I want to make more things. I want to be a creator instead of just consuming things. I understand that it's going to be a slow process because I've got habits that have been building up for years.

Right now, all I can think of is what to do next.

Unfortunately, part of me what to make everything come out perfect.

I'm ok with making some not great things as long as they become better over time.

Today, I've decided that I was going to push my website out to the masses before the end of the week. This is a personal blog and just because it isn't perfect it is something that I created and I want to take pride in the fact that I'm willing to get out there and work on something and make it better.

Some of the things that I'd like to work on will be the handling of navigation at the top and figuring out how to get the tufte style to work properly with pelican. I attempted to get everything working with a liquid tag but the parser doesn't work well with blocklevel tags and wraps it in <p> so the expected css doesn't apply properly. This only applies to fullwidth figures but I'd like it all to be uniform.

I like the idea of being a writer. i also like the idea of being a programmer. I spend a lot of time reading about what this and that person did an invariably putthem on a little bit of a pedistal. After that I stand back and say "that person is cool. I wonder if I could do something cool like that. I know, I'll takesome notes and then when I get a chance I'll make something must as cool."

Nothing comes from just wanting and -at this point- my dreams are only hurting me because I see these people and only see what i lack versus what i can bring to the table.

I feel like im hurting and i dont know if I'll ever heal.

I tell myself it ok. That I can get up and do something more with my life but it feels like all my breaks are simply to break even.

I need help.

I need some kind of guidence.

Last night the wife and I were up late last night.